A friend of mine from high school sent me a sweet note of encouragement about the blog and told me I was amazing and that she had always known I was. I appreciated the words but I don’t feel amazing. I think I feel average at best. More importantly though it took me back to those days of high school and thinking about who I was then and who I am now. I started to reflect on how I got here and how long it took me to get back to the person I started out wanting to be. Not a particularly special or popular person but a person of deep faith.
I think about my daughter (and son on the way) and what they will be like when they are teenagers. It is an almost paralyzing thought because you want so much for them not to make the same mistakes you did. To stay on the straight path. We want that because we know how painful it is when you go off that path. How much those lessons can cost you and everyone around you. But then I have to stop myself and remind myself of one very important fact. You can’t control what they do or the choices they make, but you can lay a foundation so that when they stray far from the path they WILL be able to find their way HOME. Not our physical home, but the blessed spiritual home: back in the arms of a merciful Savior.
What I have been through has lead me right back to where I started but I am not the same person. The faith I have now is deeper and more real because I have experienced so much heartache and yet every time I have cried out for God to pull me out He has. Every time I prayed for some relief He would give it, every time I asked for some sign that He was there He gave it, every time I needed anything He gave it…EVERY time. It didn’t always come immediately or in a way that I had imagined but it was always perfect and beyond my scope of how things should be. With this deep faith though and the story that has become the testimony of my husband and myself comes big responsibilities like sharing your story. I remember meeting with our church counselor (who helped us out tremendously making huge life transitions with my husband being recovered, moving to our new hometown and starting over in our professional lives) and after hearing our story she quickly said, “I have a feeling God is preparing you both for something big”. I liked the sound of it and then thought eh…I can see that…but not right now. I just need to get a job and get us out from my parents home! Obviously, My focus really wasn’t on the big picture, it was moment to moment. My parents had a second home up here so we were living there until we had both feet on the ground. I am proud to say (with God’s grace and help) we went from zero in the bank and essentially being homeless to both finding work and moving to our own place in 8 months! It was an absolute miracle. I thank my parents for giving us the opportunity for a fresh start. I know they didn’t want to but they did it anyway. I will be forever grateful to them for that gift.
I will also be forever grateful to them for laying that firm foundation of faith in me. For encouraging me, for talking about faith and showing me how to live a life with faith, for being obedient and teaching myself and others my whole life about what a relationship with Jesus looks like. My mom especially has shown me that you may be led to do things out of your comfort zone like giving testimony. When I was growing up she was heavily involved in Christian Women’s Club. Countless times she had to be obedient and talk in front of people which is not something she loved to do, but she knew her story would be relevant to someone there. And it was. People have come up to me and told me about how my mother was such an example to them and how much hearing her story has meant. How proud I was when I heard that! If anything, it made me think about the legacy you leave behind. That is really all you can give your children that will last. The legacy of being someone who is obedient and does what they are called to do.
Mom, you made your imprint on my life and now as a parent myself I am so thankful that you showed me how to get back home and I hope I can do the same for my own children.