There are a lot of adjustments you make when transitioning into a new life of sobriety. For my husband and I, we had to make some drastic lifestyle changes. We moved, we sold of lot of our belongings, we gave away all of our barware (its funny how easily you can do this when you have been through so much), we have a new church home with new friends, but one of the best parts of starting again is getting to know each other again. You see, so much of my energy was spent on hoping he would recover, researching, educating myself, working on my own co-dependency that you forget what each of you are like together as a couple. It’s like I am meeting my husband again for the first time. Which has been an absolute blast!
I remember now all the qualities about him that made me fall in love with him at the very beginning. We laugh a lot now. He is one of the funniest people I know. He is quirky. He can be long winded (ask our Sunday School class) but he’s passionate about his faith, he is analytical (and truly suffers from paralysis by analysis…cue the research for him to be able to decide on our new laptop. Painful), he still listens to techno (what?), he fiercely loves this family, he cooks (and is amazing at it), he is incredibly giving of his time and really cares about other people, he is really clean, he knows a lot about electronics which is why I leave all the technical decisions up to him, he is organized, he knows a lot about cars and takes care of both of ours very well, he is up early in the morning and brings me a cup of coffee every morning before work…and I could actually continue on but I won’t. The point is, I am so happy to see him again. I knew all of these things about him. I knew he was good dad. I knew he was a great husband. And to have him back, to have that hope fulfilled of having my partner back is an answer to a prayer that I had tucked away a long time ago and filed under “impossible”.
Just recently I experienced one of those moments when you look at your spouse and think “how did I get so lucky”…although its not luck at all. Its all part of a bigger plan. He was chosen for me. Long before we were ever a thought, it was a done deal. It is truly amazing to see how well we compliment each other. To understand what God was thinking when he put us together. We balance each other out. We just fit. And now with our life being back on track, I am filled with hope and thankful for redemption because our life is richer than it was before. We have a different perspective than we had before. Contentment is easy. We don’t look for more or the next big step. We enjoy the moment we are in and relish in it (as one might be able to tell by the fact that I have yet to put a nursery together yet for our son we will meet in the next couple of months).
I say all of this to bring me around to what is possible. It can be difficult to think about the possibility of a life that survives addiction. But it is possible. For my husband and I this wouldn’t have worked or happened without the grace of God. Without God’s love I wouldn’t have been able to love my husband again. I wouldn’t know how. Only the Lord could give me eyes to see my husband again in the way God does…hopelessly flawed but forgiven. To peel away the hardness in my heart that I had built up for self-preservation. To soften my heart. And to look at him again with love and say “hey, I remember you”.
What a blessed experience after pain! After years of marriage and children, I think we can all easily forget those early feelings of a relationship, even without addiction. Very good post and challenges me to reflect on our marriage:)