October 21, 2006
It was the most perfect fall. No really. PERFECT! Bright blue sky. A high of 70 degrees. Cool at night. The sun was setting with that beautiful autumn haze of orange and pinks. My husband and I stood before the church at All Saints and said “yes” to marriage. It was bliss. I looked at this man and decided to take the ultimate journey with him. Not asking whats ahead. Just diving in because love is that powerful.
Here we are now. Married. Seven years later and I look back at that girl who said “I do” and I am glad I didn’t know what was to come. Would I have chosen this path? I don’t know. The world would have told me to say no. It wouldn’t make any sense. That would be crazy. Who would ask for heartache like that? But I did and the journey changed me. For good. For the gift of the message. The message that God loves us, no matter what. When we are at our lowest. When we yell at Him with anger because we don’t have answers. When our heart hurts so bad that you wish you could rip it out of your chest. Yeah. He loves us then.
I am so thankful for this man I married. He has such courage. Such conviction for standing for the truth. He is the man that I prayed for when I was young. I wanted someone strong in Faith that could lead a family. He wasn’t like that in the beginning. But then again, I wasn’t who I should have been either. But the foundation was there. The stage was set for a big life changing, gut wrenching, go through the fire kind of moment. When you go through that you have two choices: Blame God for your bad choices or look in the mirror. I am thankful we both chose the mirror. Finally.
On the day that my husband graduated from the program at Hebron I remember standing up in that chapel, as I had many times before, and singing “Victory In Jesus”. The words had passed my lips a thousand times before but on this day they meant something real. The victory over the addiction had been won. Jesus marched in and saved us. Tears rolled down my checks as I sang. I couldn’t really get the words out but it was like I was hearing the song for the first time. It meant something this time. I wasn’t just standing there with a hymnal robotically singing these words. I was the one who had experienced the victory. My husband was free of this bondage and our lives would never be the same.
So here we are at year seven. The last three 1/2 after sobriety have been the most joyous of our lives. We have so much to celebrate. So much to thank God for. For two beautiful children. For a roof over our head. For my husbands job of working with men who are at lowest point like he was and being a living testimony that this bondage doesn’t have to be their story. For my job and the friends that I have made there…they know my story and accept me for it. For our church family and friends and friends we left behind at the beach that have kept up with us and this journey…cheering us on the whole way. I am glad to know you all!
My faith, seven years later, is forged and sealed. But other storms will come. If you are a person of faith and know how this being a follower Christ works then you know that you should rejoice in these times of calm and peace but understand that more is to come. Maybe not to you but people you love. We don’t know why but we know who is in charge. And I trust Him. All of the evidence in last seven years (and my whole life really) has His fingerprints all over it. If I didn’t acknowledge that He loves that much, that He cares that much then I would be in contempt for not giving Him the glory. So to God be the glory for revealing Himself in our mess. For showing up. For getting us through it. For crossing the heavens to escort us out of the darkness and into the light.
7 years down. Eternity to go. And to my husband, thank you for sharing this journey with me. I love you.